Alright, it seriously must be my hormones aworking today! [Lately I've been blaming everything on them, them and sex, the need for sex made me do it! Though I'm a happy little virgin >>;;] So can someone tell me WHAT this feeling is that I'm having, well what I'm not having maybe? Ok, first things first, time to clear this smoke. I can't keep messing around with friend boyfriend dude, it's annoying the hell out of me and I feel used... Strange but true, it feels like, as I told my friend er half friend [you'll find out soon about that] it feels like 'I've been robbed of my friendlynessness, or like we slept together irl and he didn't call the next day'. You don't like wasting time really, college is in about 2 more years for me -sighs- that's enough to worry about instead of some childish game. I do not play games in relationships unless I'm getting back at that person, ahem. He was a good person really, at first at least, he was cool to talk to and we talked alot but it suddenly came to a stop, I was always starting up conversations, always breaking the silence, speaking up, asking if he was fine, how he felt. You, if there's some problems you've got to work out, the best thing to do is TELL ME. I believe it's too late now, I'm tired of being used, I need a hero damn it! A prince figgin charming who's ready to sweep me off my feet and take me to his castle in the clouds where he'll confess his undieing love for me.... -sighs-...I can dream... Now my new friend I was talking about, well he's no where near new to me, we've known each other for a while now and -gasps- her closer to my age! 19 to be correct. Noooooooooow, over the past three or four days we talked he'd been hinting that he has feelings for me, the same guy I posted about a while back, remember? I didn't want him to tell me word for word. So we're over that and now.... I get butterflies when he's on and I talk to him, it excites me so! I feel all giddy and school girl like but I can't say what the feeling is since it's almost like it's not there, but the butterflies are clearly there. It's like my heart is at a complete stand still, not giving me anything to feel. I can't say I felt the same way about Jon, I don't remember if I felt this way but I know I was in love, damn mofo still makes me mad after all this time... Anyway, I'm not sure if I like him as a friend or as more you know? Everything's kinda blurry. Funny thing, he's no where near a hero, I'd be safe to think that if he had a chance to blow up the planet he'd go for it. Now, here;s something I just thought of, why do I have a knack for getting involved with bad boys, literally this will be my second guy like that, Jon and now my friend... And I have a knack for keeping them out of trouble and even bossing them around a bit [Jon was harder though, jerk wouldn't admit it but he knew I had him in check for a while, kinda funny that my new friend is eviler lol then Jon was but he's easer to talk to, get to, thankfully!]. I must have real talent [sarcasim there]. I guess I can calm the heated beasts with my kindness. Ha ha! Right. I dunno what's come over me... Just like the song I'm listening to lol 'Thinking about the way you kiss... I think you stole my heart from me... Cause I belong to somebody...' Yep, 'I think I'm falling for somebody else.' Heh, just my luck to be confused all the time, worse when it's things like this... Well I've got about two years to get my figgin emotions straight. I'd tell you about the dream he had but it doesn't feel right saying it without his permisson, something called TRUST lol. I wouldn't post it anyway, it's deep and meaningful. Well I can say this, I could turn his dark world upside down! x3 Yes, need to be my happy self again, stop worring, I really do worry too much.... but I can't help it! Exspecailly when people give me stuff to worry about! Why not just say 'I'm going to be stabbed in the next hour and sit here and bleed to death while I talk to you' GAH! I just wish my emotions where clear right now, I guess like a male's, easy they have like a one way mind. lol Sorry guys but it's a bit true, for lots of yall but not all. Well I'm off to think some more -sighs- I think this all! I'm sleepy anyway so night.

Peace, love, and shroooms! <3

~CeCeT

Listening to: Green Day- Wake Me Up When September Ends

Ooooh, had a goooooooood dream last night! -snickers- This guy was my boyfriend and like everyday he'd pick me up and take me around town (like down town too, stores, gas station, mall) and then he'd take me back to his place and.... well he was a WONDERFUL boyfriend xD. But even afterwards he never pushed to have actual sex. o.O;; How figgin strange is that? And where is he now??? >>;; I mean it was SO awsome in that dream like state! lol But he never asked for anything in return which is like un-guy-like lol! I don't think I knew the guy irl but he seemed a bit familar... Like this dude I went to school with, a 'wannabe playa' I thought he was sooooo cute though! Though the guy in my dream was taller and older then him, I'd guess 21 or 22 and he was, excuse the term, 'HAWT'. xD And right before I woke up he we were in some department store in the bathroom section... >>;; Lol, anyways, I wanted to write that down so I wouldn't forget. -nod nod- And now i am starting a new story, who bets I won't ever finish it??? >>;; Well I like this one, like all the rest lol, so I may get close... I'd post a summary but I'm really bad at those lol so you'll just have to read it, I'll try not to make the chapters too long nor the story. I think it'll be a one shot, romance so it shouldn't be that long at all. lol sooooooo i'm off, typing with one hand thanks to my kitten whos sleeping in/on my hand ^^.
peace, luff, and shroooooms!!! <3
~CeCeT

p.s. Albert is figging SEXEH!!! thought I posted it before but I guess not, he's my friend at school, funny as hell and sexy just as much, even more. xD Gwen will flip and start laughing if I tell her, unless she thinks he's sexeh too xD.

OMG!! I just got the first three InuYasha DVDs or the series in the mail!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Eps 1-9!!! Oh the figgin JOY!!!!! My mom just brought them home! HAPPY HALLOWEEN! I feel SO good right now, much better! I'll tell you of my sucked up halloween later, tomorrow, maybe a certain someone will be on.... gah bad thoughts! He's just a friend damn it! Perhaps it's a sexual attraction -coughs- >>;;

-sighs- Don't ask why I'm wasting a post cause damn I can since it's like, mine or w/e. Turns out I'm being forced to go to a party that one of my moms friends is throwing, tomorrow night. DAMN IT! I REALLY don't wanna go, like I said last time I'm not in a parting mood at all and I won't even know anyone there... how awkward is that? Plus I'm super shy! Not good! If we take pics I'll post em -SIGHS- does it look like I wanna go? And when I'm not in the mood for something I can be a bit bitcyish/not really smiling with a 'I don't wanna be here' look on my face x_x. It's just me! Unless it ends up being good and catching my attention [like Johnny Depp showing up, OMG I would figgin die! xD]. Maybe the few [yes, only a few] teens will play true or dare or spin the bottle, I guess I could watch or something... doubt it though, either I'll stick myself to my mothers side or she'll staple me to it, not to mention she doesn't trust me anyways. They'd better be some hott folks there! And Dr. Pepper or some nice 'clean drink'. xD Oh, lemme stop! Gah, I gtg anyway -sighs- I need a figgin bag of luck right now, wish I was a social butterfly lol >>;;

peace, luff, shrooms!

~CeCeT <3

Alright, wanna know something that pisses me off beyond belief? If I have to keep things alive, like topics, forums, conversations, RELATIONSHIPS. Ok, now that you know that, can you guess what's eating away at me like acid? Ya know, I do like listening to meh friends and stuff even if they wanna talk nonsense or crap. Figgin talk to me! Who? Well my friend boy friend person, can you say DEAD. Gimme something to work with here at least! Silence is the key.... silence is the key?! SILENCE IS THE MF KEY?! Who the FUCK thought of that one? I can say that it ain't true for me, if I like someone I usually talk but I'd like for them to ya know TALK THE FUCK BACK. Even as friends this is going down the drain faster then a carnival gold fish xD. Oh well, I've been through worse kinds of weather... heh. But I must say, I don't want to be mean but if he doesn't talk more the next time I'm on I'll just have to YELL at him. God, I hate being mean! T-T But it's gotta be done right? ....Right.... -sighs- Oooooh well. Maybe I should just party my butt off till I pass out.... sounds good right? lol Maybe I should go to my cuz's parteh.... I just don't feel like it though, not to mention she's always got SOME FIGGIN ONE to hook me up with and they're the worse guys, well not WORSE but so very close. I mean come on, who in their right mind would ask someone they don't know to come screw them in their car?! Um NO, though he did have a uber kool car I am NOT that kinda girl, I don't think so buddy, keep moving. -sighs- Do I really wanna go through that and then some? Bites to hell and back...... Guess I won't go then lol. Yep, sit at home well no we'll be moving anyway sooooo I prolly won't get to do shit this weekend, and coming up week. -SIGH- I'm off to get food now, starving lol laters!
Le peace, le luff, le shroooooms! Ja ne! <3
-CeCeT

Listening to: O Green World-Gorillaz
Aaaaaaaaye, got stuff on me mind that I don't want. A load of wow happened to today, not bull, but wow lol. I dunno even know where to began... guess I can just jump right in right? Ok, why do I have stupid friends? [I mean this in that serious but joking way]. Really, am I the only one with SENSE here...? Then again it's only guys, is this some kind of hoilday for them to loose it? I mean most guys in the world are stupid but this isn't as bad as that, thankfully. [enter random fact: I miss Tazz and Kassi and Gwen and Amanda!] Ok first, my friend boyfriend person [that's what I'll call him, I havn't a clue what we are really] is like pissing me off and making me worry. First he's always cold, literally, so much to the point of passing out but he doesn't live alone... SO lucky i'm not their, I'd be cussing whatever family members he lives with the hell out! It's there fault he's pissing me off! Why? Because we don't talk as much. And I can be a damn selfish person, they're taking his time away from me by not giving a damn! Oh ho, we'd better not meet, they'd have a nice piece of my bitch cake. I don't understand how you can just ignore the fact your bother is freezing to death, sure you hate each other but even if it were me and I hated my sibling I won't wish something like that on them. That's just wrong. Mofo's, they'll get theirs even if it isn't by my hand... Then again I could be overracting [I'm a female duh], it could all be in my little head but I can't help but think it's not. I like helping my friends and if I was there I'd seriously be smoothering him in blankets and holding him, I'd do it for anyone that wanted it. And also I'm starting to think this is a one way street now...-SIGHS-
Second consern, Jon is doubting the fact Aurynn [yes, my take over the world buddy, they're going out] likes him! She's just having trouble talking to him, to me her parents are uber strick! So mean to her, I wish she was on.... -sighs- She's so wonderful! She does like him though, at least that's what I believe, I could be wrong but I doubt it. They used to act so cute together... -smiles- such a cute couple!
Now, third. I have a knack for getting my friends to like me...more then as a friend, ahem. And I have a good habbit of feeling bad if I tell them don't feel the same towards them if they tell me, only friends. If they're a good person I really like hanging with them I'm in deep crap cause then I'll start liking them and that's not good! That's why I ask, if they start to drop hints, do NOT tell me! I worry I'll hurt you and I do NOT want to do that! I'm the one who makes folks smile not sigh and get sad and stuff, I hate the whole rejection thing!
Now my third and a half problem [lol I know]. This guy is such a great friend, he's so kool but trouble follows him everywhere! Trouble + him = bad = he'd always getting hurt [now multiply, divid, add a few more times and subtrace a few more things lol] and that always makes me worry! It's not a good thing! Bad bad bad! I swear! He needs like a body guard or something! lol But anyway... he was hinting that he had feelings for me, I know I know I just didn't want him to tell me! There's a problem with me being told those words, it's like a figgin alarm that goes off in my head! Aaaaaaaye, don't need that! You know how it goes, starting to feel for someone even more you know you're not suppose to becuz you're friends! And I made a promise never to fall in love with a friend again, could CeCeT be doubting herself? Surely not....right? I hate bois, so complicated >>;;;
On a lighter note, my cuz is having a party. I ain't going, not my scene really, not in a partying mood plus we're moving GAH mofo moving all the time.... anywho, gtg now lol.
-vash like again- peace and love! peace and love! peace and love!
[Lost my mind back there somewhere... I love you...]