My Bowl Of Rice

Thursday, October 27, 2005

Poem Time! [4 real this time lol]

This one I got inspired by a Noir [the anime] ava with the saying 'Bang Bang... I shot you down.' ^.^

I saw it coming so I grabbed mine as well.
Didn't think you'd be the one, but my fingers on the trigger.
Had a dream last night, thought it was real, all about the two of us but not this night.
I gave a damn through it all, now I'll give a bullet.
Didn't want to let go but here I am now pushing it away.
I've got me a bullet proof soul how bout you?
How about a test, you take a round then me, let's who's still breathing.
I feel the ice around your heart now, knowing it was nothing.
Something inside me burns to keep it going but I won't be a fool to take the bullet you’re aiming towards me.
Please, tell me I won't fell a thing afterwards.
I won't feel this pain or sadness or angry.
I'll feel content, even happiness.
Let me aim, get it straight, I won't miss will you?
I saw it all coming so I grabbed my gun.
Didn't think you'd be the one but my finger will pull the trigger.
Had a dream last night, though it was too good to be true, all about the two of us but not this end.
I thought you gave a damn through it all, now you'll give a bullet.
Didn't want you to let go, but you've pushed it away.
I've got me a plan, how about you?
How about a test, I'll take a round then you, let's see who's stronger.
You see the heat in my eyes now, knowing this another fun game.
Something inside me burns to kill the target but I won't be a fool let love make me miss.
Please, tell me I won't fell your bullet.
I won't feel regret, or betrayal or loneliness.
I'll feel content, even happiness.
Let me aim, get it straight; I won't miss... will you?

This one I just... kinda made up lol ^^;;

Gotta rewrite this ending, gotta make it fast.
I just wanted this love to last.
So tell me why you're leaving? Wasn't I good enough?
Didn't we touch the stars; make it the moon and back?
Thought we bleed together, cried together, laughed together.
Thought you felt safe, right inside me.
Thought we survived the storms and build anew mountain.
When did you die and become someone else?
Thought we were the lovers in fairy tale books.
Thought we would be parents, teach our kids love.
Thought you could take me any and everywhere.
Didn't we make a good match?
Thought I was irresistible, your dream, your fantasy.
Thought this was true, someone thing rare not many find.
Thought you'd never touch another and never leave our love.
Well what happened? You got lost one night?
I just want it all to be back to normal...
But now I cry, guess I thought wrong...
Wanna rewrite this ending, wanna make is fast.
I just need this love to last.

This one I uber like, dunno why cause I don't feel like this... o.o;;

I'm at a lost of how to describe it, you.
Such tender care you handle me with.
Every touch, kiss, word is given in passion, heat, love.
You make me bite my lip just thinking about you.
You take me deeper every moment, and the feeling...
The erotic aroused memories of it all, so much...
I... I'm at a loss of how to describe it, you.
But I'm scared of this all.
You've got me on the highest mountain, tallest tower, greatest building.
I just don't want to fall, don't want it to fail through.
I have a fear of you getting enough of me, though my love is endless as is yours.
Just don't want you to let me fall from this pedestal.
I... I... I'm at a loss of... of how to describe it, you.
Oh but it's great, such a natural high you give me...
Every one of those nights I get lost in love, passion, lust.
I must be committing a crime and by God they can lock me up, I don't care.
It's too wonderful a thing we have and you treat it with such tender care.
I can barely breath, you like it that way, keeps me on the edge and I love it.
I'm... I just... I'm at a loss of how to... I... can't describe it, you.
You get my heart racing just by looking at you; those deep eyes say so much, too much.
I'm drunk off of you, addicted to your every move, word, action.
Don't let me fall, don't want to end this but I'm scared.
I dare you to leave, I wouldn't let you, you dare me to leave, you wouldn't let me.
I'm... lost... I'm at a loss here, but you can help me finish this with your kiss.

This one I think of more as a song, I think it'd go better with a beat [maybe Santanish or Gorillaz beat] but I don't have a chours for it nor is it finished I don't think lol btw, this one makes me giggle x3;;

Read my horoscope today, said I'd be comin to a bump in the road, needed to slow down.
Well I guess you can call this bump, a nice big bump courtesy of you.
Our roads been smooth and curvy but a bump? Never, not till now.
So here we are playing our roles in this game, tell me when to go, tell me when to stop.
Tell me when this'll end.
Spinning, turning, around we go again and again.
Why waste time in this space?
Let's skip to the page where the make up sex is. That's the fun part.

Tell me why you wanna mess with my heart? I'll be this I'll be that.
I'll be your everything so what are you?
I think you owe me for these past years, why don't you act like the man I fell in love with.
Baby I ain't leaving, ain't going anywhere, so if you’re worrying and that's the cause, well it ain't true.
Come on, let’s get rid of this bump and make our road smooth again, the way your fingers caress my back.
Let’s throw this script away, firer the director, and produce it ourselves.
I wanna beg for more, feel the heat, and see it in your eyes again.
Shhhh, don't talk anymore, let’s end this, just lay me down.

I just wanna skip over this part, can't you see? Give me that love and that's all I need.
Not yelling, not glaring just love, sweet sexy good love.
Don't wanna argue, don't wanna fight, just wanna make the bed break and bodies ache tonight.

Posted at 11:08 am by CeCeT
Gimme a hug Gimme a kissie

Poem time!

Listening to: Boogie Wonderland- the hell if I know right now, I'm too sleepy...
Aye I'm back, realized I didn't explain that last post too well. Well here's er most of the deal if not all. Chris [the name of the dude I talked about in the last few post before my 2 month break lol] is not the guy I talked about in my last post. Me and Chris are really good friends though I haven't talked to him in forever, friends nothing more peoples. I can't waste time waiting for someone, I waited damn near 4 years for Jon and I ain't doing that again lol Yeah I no longer care if he finds out so if you're reading this Chris I'm over it LOL it wasn't nothing special so that's what was important that I wanted to tell you but friends is wonderful for me, nothing more it was just a little crush. -hugs- ^^ Nooooooow I've got to admit, not sure what we are, me and the guy I think is er a form of a b/f? can't say we're f-buddys; we live too far away for that. But he's made a good friend and he has his ways... lol I just never liked long distance relationships but I'm willing to try if he is. It's just... ah he's right, I worry too much but how can't I now? Aye such a distance @_@;;. I can safey say I wouldn't cheat [I may have a few bad thoughts lol] on anyone since I wouldn't want them to have the pain of their heart broken, mines been ripped to shreads before so I don't plan to do that to anyone. I don't want to feel that pain again though depression is the pits cuz once you've got it it seems to stick with you. You could be soooo happy but if something goes wrong boom you're right back in that pit of dispare... God I don't want to be in love anymore, but I do, and I dunno how or what to feel at the moment. This kinda bites, such a bad me, bad bad bad me. God knows I want someone of my own but the risk of falling in love just to fall back out is NOT appealing and... I just don't wanna go there, being let down in something like that is no fun what-so-ever. So what should I do? Be blinded by like and possiblely love or not? I mean well you know. Everything's so difficult now days... guess I just don't wanna be all hurt and depressed again ya know? right.... And I've got suuuuuch a low self esteem, traded pics the other day back and I'm not that cute at all as you can see now [my chest is NOT that big peoples .___.''] and I just know he doesn't like me as much, how could I be so stupid? Should have never did it, shouldn't have even gone this far eeeeeh.... I wish time could stop and go backwards, it'd be something I would change and quick! 'Let's not make some form of agreement, lets just stay friends' damn it, how thick can you get? Once again I have managed to screw something up, crap crap crap >>;;

On a side note JonJon pissed me off a bit but he's my friend and I'd like to over look it but I know that wouldn't last... No, I don't want to talk about it lol.

On another side note, got high lights but it just kinda looks like I got the tips dyed red x_X I really wanted blue but my mom wouldn't do it >>;; Oh, did I tall you I'm babysitting a kitten but I think he's gonna be staying with us for good, I've named him Ra, the Egyptian Sun God. He's mostly black with a few white specks but you have to look a bit closely to see them. ^^ Oh I'm starting a charity on Gaia already cuz my friend got me my MP3, I think I told you though ^^;;... Ahhhh rambling isn't helping/working. >>;; Sooooo I'm off for a while, poems will be in the next post x_X;;
-like Vash- peace and love! peace and love! peace and love!
P.S. There's one good thing about this, w/e it is, I'm writing poems again!!! x3

Posted at 10:24 am by CeCeT
Gimme a hug Gimme a kissie

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Been sooooooo long! <3

Listening to: Hot&Wet[Remix]- 112 >> Feel Good Inc- Gorillaz x3

It's been a whiiiiiiiiile yes? Well I was missing in action for the last two months lol. Well nothing major has happened except I've found myself a boyfriend! He's so sweet, and cute and nice and he actaully talks! Not that 'yeah. sure. I agree. yep. no.' crap that guys tended to always say but he has words lol. I wish he didn't live so far away though... -sighs- it's no fun not being able to see the person you care for but I'm trying it; if you knew me from xanga then you know I'm not a fan of long distance relationships but this one I don't mind...<3 I'm a bit scared but that's ok, I'll get over it soon, ignore it for now. Oh he's older then me too, sucks cause I wanna be older, but at least I'll be 16 next month. ^^ Speaking of which I want a censinyeta [sp?], a sweet sixteen. My mom said I could have one a few months ago but I think she was just lieing because, to shut me up and let me think so. She can be very evil at times...
Oooooh! JonJon is back online! -snuggles him- and he's with Aurynn-chan!!!! You will be happy for them! They make a CUTE couple!! =^^=
Aye, my plans to go to Japan with Sakura-chan when I turn 18 will have to be put off I think... I still need to learn the language [no people, gomen, hai, iie, are not enough to enjoy Japan and know what everyone's saying! >>;;] and then there's college. I want to take a year off but I know that wouldn't be smart, and everyone tells me I shouldn't cause it's stupid, I KNOW THAT! Gah... then I wonder what I should major in... soooo much to do in like 2 years, time goes too fast for me, dun't like it lol. Anywhos, what else? Oh, I'm moving across town! Again I know, I can't wait till we actaully settle down or I get in college, no moving for me thank you!
Oh yes, I'm babysitting a kitten but I think it's going to be staying with us x3 I'm named him Ra lol. Um um um um um, dunno what else to tell you... I went blank there, I'm sleey oh I gots a photo I shall put up. ^^;; And I finally found teh new Gorillaz CD!! I'm so happy! After of course my friend emailed the whole CD to me x3 But that's okies, I luff you Hatter! One day you'll take over Gaia and I will be a faithful follower! ^^
Gah, my tummy hurts still, feels like I'm going to throw up x_X;; so, anywho, I'm off! peace, luff, and shrooms to you all! <3
-CeCeT

Posted at 02:11 pm by CeCeT
Gimme a hug Gimme a kissie

Saturday, August 13, 2005

How Stupid Can You Get?

Listening to: Engima- I love You... I'll Kill You
Well I know I haven't updated in a while but I'm getting depressed again. I'm tired of living here in this small little place. My mom just know got a new job and guess what? The bills are all piling up, oh goodie. Do you know how STUPID she is? This baka has a friend who she's known since she was little, grow up around each other. He's in love with her, IN LOVE! And he coaches football, and makes TONS of money! WHY THE HELL HASN'T SHE ASKED HIM FOR SOME TO HELP US GET BY?! I SWEAR! I don't get it, it's beyond me, they're good friends so it'd be a friendly help........... God if it were me I would have asked a long time ago. We wouldn't have anything to worry about, we'd be fine... And she calls ME stupid, feh. So yeah, I'm feeling down and out, even Gaia's not helping. Well good things are: she got a figgin job, I'm getting home schooled, and we're moving to Cali in a couple of months.
Well I've been thinking a lot about the guy I like, Chris. And I wasn't sure if I wanted to tell him and even try a relationship, a friend of mine had said it wasn't worth my time and then I got a tarot card reading (it's not fake but it doesn't tell the furture just hints) and now that I got one and read what she told me I've decieded not to even bother with it. I'll just get sader and thoughts of destroying random objects or myself will pass my mind for a while as I slip into depression. So I'm saying sorry to everyone know if I piss you off or say something hurtful, I don't mean it I'm just not in a good mood anymore... I feel for him a lot but I can't do it, I hate those kind of relationships.. Well I'm done trying to talk about some of problems so I'll write later.

P.S. Hey loviebabe! long time no see! It won't let me leave a reply to your blog -bookmarks your site- but I'm here! And you do look different in the bigger pics then the small ones! you look like one of my realtives! ^^ much love till next next! <3

Posted at 06:05 pm by CeCeT
Gimme a hug Gimme a kissie

Monday, June 27, 2005

Oooooookay...

Karma-Alica Keys Next?: Walkin On The Sun-Smash Mouth

Guess what? I had a dream, a very strang one... Though I can't really remember it. I was like at a school/apartment complex with a few other kids and we knew each other kinda. Parts if it were like huanted or something but no one cared or maybe they just didn't know -shruggs-. But towards the end I sat with a very cute girl who was my friend (I didn't know her irl) and we were talking with another one of ou girl friends. Then at the end the worse happened... JON! How/why the hell was he in my dream?! It was so good... till he came! >______> I mean we were all friends and talking to each other, mostly teasing from and to Jon lol but still... I don't know if I like it or not, if I should like it or not... I don't know. But I miss that guy I was talking about, he hasn't been on in a while.... he left me a message yesterday though, saying he want to talk to me and he was sorry for not being on (Oh yeah dead giveaway to him if he reads this...). Bleh oh well, most get on Gaia, maybe find a really good Rp partner cause I got an idea this morning hee hee! So talk to you alls laters.
peace, love and shrooms!
Ja ne!

<3CeCeT

Posted at 02:58 pm by CeCeT
Gimme a hug Gimme a kissie

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

Bad CeCeT, bad girl! x3

First things first, Edward (Shenkan, Mima, etc.) I gave you advice? Really? Did you go by a different name cause I don't remember any of those names ><;;. I always seem to have the answer for someone else, most of teh time, but I get lost with myself... How dumb -.-;;.

Well I feel a bit better thanks to one of my friends, lil'fitz. Can you believe when I got on yim and my status plainly said don't bother me until you've read my blog blah blah blah, he was the only how actually cared enough about me to ask me if he could help when ever one else was pissing me off and annoying me byound belief? He said exactly this: 'not asking what's wrong, just wondering if i can help'. I felt like crying cause he took the time to ask if he could help, not ask what's wrong. Everyone wanted to know why I was so mad when I told them IN MY STATUS to READ my blog and if I WANTED to TALK ABOUT IT I would. I made me happy to know someone truely cares about ME and MY stupid feelings. -sigh- He can't imagine how I felt when he asked me, I lub him so much. ^^
Well I would still feel so happy cause he cheered me up but I think I had a little fight with the guy I was talking about last post. Gah, that's why teh titles 'Bad CeCeT, bad girl' lol. I didn't mean to but I couldn't give him an answer to his question, even though I know it pisses guys off when you can't give them an answer... lol... I got caught up in my feelings again and became unsure. I don't want to lie but I don't want him to know the truth. I do but I don't, and the truth? What is it really? I am in love again or in that limbo stage of unsurenessness lol. Yes, I'm in the limbo stage I guess, unless I'm in denile... oh crap I hope not ><. Maybe I am, maybe I'm just dening it all... I just don't know right now. But I do know I don't want him to be in love with whoever that chick is. GAH! I'm getting mad again! -sighs- This is so unfair, I hate it all. No one is on to talk to!! No Jima, no JonJon (I'm still gonna kick you're ass if I talk to you again!!! >.>), no Aurynn, no May, no Asia, no Spike, no Pirate, no Kassi, no Nanishi, no Kenshin, not meh 'wife' ><. How much you wanna bet the guy I'm having problems with is in that list? Ooooh that was a dead giveaway >.>;;.
Whatever! Time for meh Gaia talk, this made me happy: Me and some friends made a big quest topic together, i'm teh store owner x3. We're all doing things for gold and hoping for donations! (I'll get those damn Bani Clips! Then the rest of the crap I want LOL.) So I'm selling any crap we're willing to give up for our quest. ^^ I want Bani Clips damnit!!! Bunny and Seal slippers too! Don't forget the headphones and MP3Player! Grrrrrrr!! lol Well I' hungry soooo time for food xD Ttyal!

Le peace, le lub, le shrooms!
P.S..... Is that suppose to be a J instead of M in Mima, Edward? If so I think you're... JIMBUNNY!!!!! -snuggles and huggles- xD

~CeCeT

Posted at 05:51 pm by CeCeT
Gimme a hug Gimme a kissie

Monday, June 13, 2005

Why...?

What the hell is my problem? I feel depressed again... I'm shaking, I feel like I want to cry... I don't like thinking, that's why I don't do it much. But I've thought.... And I'm so scared, I'm so lost and afraid right now. My feelings scare me cause I don't know what they are, they're changing and starting to feel for someone I can't. I promised myself I wouldn't fall for a best friend after Jon, it broke me so much I just couldn't bare it again. But here I am and the sitution is worse now and I don't want to say too much cause I know he'll propbably read this... I just want to cry, I'm so confused right now, many of you would say duh I'm in love, but I don't think so... Not yet, and it's scaring me so damn bad. I wish this wasn't happening, but a part of me wants it. I don't know why cause I need to see and talk to someone I love everyday, to touch and kiss them would bring me joy, but I can live with just talking to them.... I think. Oh God why? I hate this so much... I'm gonna go now, maybe cry like a dork or hit a wall, who knows... Laters.

Posted at 10:43 pm by CeCeT
Comment (1) Gimme a kissie

Friday, June 03, 2005

La la la la la...

Listening To: Chobits- Let Me Be With You Next: Outlaw Star- Hiru No Tsuki (Melphina's Song)

Hello!!!! Well I'm in a good mood cuz I'm listening to my new playlist I made of anime songs. Do you know how hard it is to find anime songs?! Jeez... But this site helped tons!! Anime Songs I dunno what it's called cuz it's late and i'm tired but i'm up cuz i missed that new show on adult swim and Robot Chicken so i'm up to wait for it again lol But anywhos.... ASIA-KUN WAS ON TODAY!!! lol he's one of my buddies on yim... I've known them for almost two years, I dunno what I'd w/o them... -sighs- Tho it makes me think about Jon, no not the dumbass from my school. I hope he's ok... I haven't talked to him in such a long time. Gah no time for sadness! Only smiles and grins with sprinkles of laughter! lol? o.O;; Anywho! My little anime I hope to make one day keeps running through my head... Dunno why, then another one came to mind x_x. Oh I started writing again, on FF.net I mean... It's a very good Sango/Sesshomaru fic if I do say so myself lol it's got over 50 reveiws so I guess it's good or really bad? lol naw i've only seen one flame and I'm going to tell them off in the next chapter ^^ lol. Well anywho... I need to take some more quizes on her or something lol I'm bored... I need to find my anime DVD's.. Even if it is one RK DVD and both InuYasha movies xD it's more then some people out there right? x_x Plus I've got a few tapes, counting the ones I taped myself, jeez I was bad at taping back then. x_x;; Oh well... I miss my friends at school... I should check my email and such, but my mom ish coming in soooo I think I need to get off LOL.
Peace, luv an shrooooms!!!
-CeCeT

Posted at 12:34 am by CeCeT
Comment (1) Gimme a kissie

Wednesday, May 25, 2005

Bleh?

Look at my gaia ava!!! >>>>>>

Cute right? lol Well that was a quick whatever cuz i'm sleepy lol gonna take a cat nap kay? Jeez... i cussed a lot last post o.o;;;
nite nite er... yeah!
peace, lub, and shrooms!

Posted at 10:32 am by CeCeT
Gimme a hug Gimme a kissie

Sunday, May 22, 2005

I hate my father. I'm starting to hate my mother. Is there anyone in this family who I love that's at least somewhat nice?

Listening to: Tourniquet- Evanescence Next: Many Men (Wish Death)-50 Cent.

Well actually there is someone I love in this family, my aunt Carol and uncle Ted and their childern (my cusins). That's it.I it all... You know I don't even know where to begin. Well how able what just happened eailer. My mom came in all pissed at me cause I hadn't gotten everything unpacked, um HELLO we just fucking moved here yesterday and SHIT your SHIT is everywhere! Well I had gotten some stuff done ACTUALLY. More of the kitchen stuff and I cleared a damn path to the hall fucking way. But she wants to BITCH anyway. Oh, she got a damn job again FINALLY, YAY. I don't know why she's bitching at me, I got more unpacked then she would do in cleaning when she didn't have a job and I fucking went to school must of the day. She couldn't get off HER ASS to clean some?! Oh she had to go to the damn dollar store to get trash bags, oh she had to go to the store to get some cream, oh she had to go to wal-mart to get something. WHAT THE HELL?! So she comes in today giving me this speech that I act like a five year old, and that she has to tell me what to do all the time, oh I do huh? Ok, I'll remember that. BUT when I ALWAYS do things, clean up, put shit away I get fucking yelled at! Damn, I didn't know you didn't want the fucking bread in the breadbox! Can't you fucking be happy I do more then some shitheads out there?! No, that I'm not some drug head whore who you never fucking see! She tells me she never wants to be like grandma and treat me like she did her, well from the damn storys she tells me she's fucking already on the damn path to be like her! Motherfucking bitch! I'll have a nice bruse from where she fucking hit me in the shoulder! Damnit, if I knew I had a place to stay I'd run away and call CPS on her ass! It's like I'm never good enough for her ass, but that's ok. I'll give it some MORE damn time like a DUMBASS. I just... I don't even know anymore, fuck it all...
Oh look what I just wrote...
God I hate this place, isn't there somewhere else just for me?
Is there no one in this world that can save me?
Sadness comsumes me, darkness will soon engulf me completely.
Tell me is someone listening?
Don't let me fall nor take the easy way out.
I can feel my nails breaking from hold.
I can feel the waves of death as it licks at my feet, so close.
It laughs as I come closer to the end.
I can even taste the copper blood in my mouth.
The pain hits harder every time, threatening me with each blow.
I can smell the postion on my lips they gave me.
I can feel the wounds on my back they made.
I don't understand how I got here.
But I know now, no one cares in this world.