Alright, it seriously must be my hormones aworking today! [Lately I've been blaming everything on them, them and sex, the need for sex made me do it! Though I'm a happy little virgin >>;;] So can someone tell me WHAT this feeling is that I'm having, well what I'm not having maybe? Ok, first things first, time to clear this smoke. I can't keep messing around with friend boyfriend dude, it's annoying the hell out of me and I feel used... Strange but true, it feels like, as I told my friend er half friend [you'll find out soon about that] it feels like 'I've been robbed of my friendlynessness, or like we slept together irl and he didn't call the next day'. You don't like wasting time really, college is in about 2 more years for me -sighs- that's enough to worry about instead of some childish game. I do not play games in relationships unless I'm getting back at that person, ahem. He was a good person really, at first at least, he was cool to talk to and we talked alot but it suddenly came to a stop, I was always starting up conversations, always breaking the silence, speaking up, asking if he was fine, how he felt. You, if there's some problems you've got to work out, the best thing to do is TELL ME. I believe it's too late now, I'm tired of being used, I need a hero damn it! A prince figgin charming who's ready to sweep me off my feet and take me to his castle in the clouds where he'll confess his undieing love for me.... -sighs-...I can dream... Now my new friend I was talking about, well he's no where near new to me, we've known each other for a while now and -gasps- her closer to my age! 19 to be correct. Noooooooooow, over the past three or four days we talked he'd been hinting that he has feelings for me, the same guy I posted about a while back, remember? I didn't want him to tell me word for word. So we're over that and now.... I get butterflies when he's on and I talk to him, it excites me so! I feel all giddy and school girl like but I can't say what the feeling is since it's almost like it's not there, but the butterflies are clearly there. It's like my heart is at a complete stand still, not giving me anything to feel. I can't say I felt the same way about Jon, I don't remember if I felt this way but I know I was in love, damn mofo still makes me mad after all this time... Anyway, I'm not sure if I like him as a friend or as more you know? Everything's kinda blurry. Funny thing, he's no where near a hero, I'd be safe to think that if he had a chance to blow up the planet he'd go for it. Now, here;s something I just thought of, why do I have a knack for getting involved with bad boys, literally this will be my second guy like that, Jon and now my friend... And I have a knack for keeping them out of trouble and even bossing them around a bit [Jon was harder though, jerk wouldn't admit it but he knew I had him in check for a while, kinda funny that my new friend is eviler lol then Jon was but he's easer to talk to, get to, thankfully!]. I must have real talent [sarcasim there]. I guess I can calm the heated beasts with my kindness. Ha ha! Right. I dunno what's come over me... Just like the song I'm listening to lol 'Thinking about the way you kiss... I think you stole my heart from me... Cause I belong to somebody...' Yep, 'I think I'm falling for somebody else.' Heh, just my luck to be confused all the time, worse when it's things like this... Well I've got about two years to get my figgin emotions straight. I'd tell you about the dream he had but it doesn't feel right saying it without his permisson, something called TRUST lol. I wouldn't post it anyway, it's deep and meaningful. Well I can say this, I could turn his dark world upside down! x3 Yes, need to be my happy self again, stop worring, I really do worry too much.... but I can't help it! Exspecailly when people give me stuff to worry about! Why not just say 'I'm going to be stabbed in the next hour and sit here and bleed to death while I talk to you' GAH! I just wish my emotions where clear right now, I guess like a male's, easy they have like a one way mind. lol Sorry guys but it's a bit true, for lots of yall but not all. Well I'm off to think some more -sighs- I think this all! I'm sleepy anyway so night.

Peace, love, and shroooms! <3

~CeCeT